Where it's at

This is a typical crime report from my neighborhood:

1) A woman took her clothes off up near First and Rhode Island NW and was shot.
2) A resident opened a door to a hallway in a home and saw a pair of his pants being pulled through a hole in the ceiling. A two-foot-square hole had been cut in the roof to enter.
3) A man entered a home and fled with a bottle of liquor when a resident investigated the noise.

Why can't these folks just smoke some crack and be done with it?