Positive beer consumption story #493

Man peed way out of avalanche

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.

Brace for the rapture

A lot is being made about all the God and Jesus speak from the Inaugural address. It's not just coincidence that those 27 mentions of "Freedom" can easily be replaced with "Jesus"...

I'm no theologian. I don't claim to understand exactly what Bush is doing here. I only know enough to be creeped the fuck out. What's clearly evident here is Bush's messianic streak, front and center. I don't know if Bush sees himself as an agent of God spreading liberty in Jesus' name. Or whether he actually aims to spread Christianity, in the guise of liberty. Either way I'm not happy about it.

Even Republicans are wincing. "It was a God-drenched speech," wrote Peggy Noonan, a former Reagan speechwriter, in The Wall Street Journal, adding that its push for world freedom fell somewhere "between dreamy and disturbing." Quipped Noonan: "Tyranny is a very bad thing and quite wicked, but one doesn't expect we're going to eradicate it any time soon. Again, this is not heaven, it's earth."

No way out II: Wherever you go, there you are

Why all this complaining about no exit strategy? Isn't it possible that all this preemption was simply the most viable means of establishing a major mid-east presence? Would it have been possible to station 150,000 troops in Qatar and Kuwait? We all know that Iran is next because we're already there.

Now can we get on with the healing

Nightmare Phase II

An excellent Moford article sums up the sad state of affairs behind the inauguration. Of course we all knew this 2 years ago.

Kill Kill (Love) Kill

First the military spent years working on BZ — the "super-hallucinogen" which can incapacitate for days — and now we find out all they really wanted was a sex bomb!

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale, the proposal says.

Did they scrap the project because it violated the "don't ask, don't tell" policy?

People who need to watch South Park

Prince Harry showed exquisitely poor taste by wearing a Nazi costume. Can he really be that stupid? Didn't he see that South Park episode?

In other bad news, WHFS has gone Spanish (which is actually an improvement over the nu-metal crud they've been playing since Infinity bought and killed them in '96).

Sentencing guidelines are no longer mandatory, yet mandatory minimums remain. Lighten up Sandy baby!

Fool me twice, won't get fooled again

Those 500,000 or so of us who actually live in the place most likely to be hit by a terrorist attack (ok NYC, so we may be second in line) are now being rudely asked to pay for the inauguration of the man 91% of us didn't vote for. Where should that money come from? Why not use the Homeland Security funds! Appearantly, the crack smoking has extended from my neighborhood to 1600 Penn Ave...

All Iraqis presumed guilty

Leave it to the Pentagon to make us all feel safer with a backhanded apology to the family they just destroyed with a 500lb bomb.

Multinational Force Iraq "deeply regrets the loss of possibly innocent lives" and is investigating the incident, officials said.

Possibly innocent? How about possible loss of innocents? It's bad enough you can't flatten the right house, at least try learning English semantics so as not to further offend those you've just killed...

Just like that time a wedding party was blown apart

The military insisted that those killed were involved in smuggling foreign fighters into Iraq and that the houses attacked were way stations for militants. Residents said the rockets struck a wedding party.

After a video emerged showing the wedding in progress before the attack, Army Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt, then chief military spokesman for U.S.-led forces in Iraq, said, "Bad people have parties too."

Oh, the sensitivity!

Zinn 'n Juice

From Our War on Terrorism by Howard Zinn

Since war is itself the most extreme form of terrorism, a war on terrorism is profoundly self-contradictory. Is it strange, or normal, that no major political figure has pointed this out?

Well yeah, but what do you expect? Who would dare?!

Also check out his appearance on The Daily Show last night

Electric Go-Go

Right on Wonkette, but let's not forget the $90,000 DPW calendar - a different trash truck for each month!

The District Sets Its Priorities

We're excited about the upcoming changes to District electric bills, you're excited about the upcoming changes to the District electric bills, but the DC government doesn't like to take chances: They built a website! They have a theme! "DC IS Electric"! And if you head over there, you will hear "The Electric Slide." It seems extravagant, but when you're a wealthy municipality like the District -- where all the public schools are in the top percentile, the roads are as smooth and pleasant to drive on as a baby's ass and no homicide goes unsolved -- why not spend several thousands of dollars on making utility reform seem "cool"?

http://www.boogiewoogiewoogie.com/

The smoking gun

Turns out the exit polls were right and Bush lost.

The 2004 Election Was Stolen

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence', I heard recently. This assertion is built on the false premise that rigging an election in the United States is somehow extraordinary. Considering the history of US elections, and the stakes involved, and the fact that 80% of all votes in the US were either cast on, or counted by two private corporations owned by Republicans, this and all elections should be suspect from the start.

History will judge us harshly for this election. Not just the Bush administration, but the media, the Democrats, and the online community as well. Future historians will no doubt get a chuckle for the providence of the Ukraine fiasco falling so closely behind our own. But mostly, when they examine the American response to the exit poll discrepancies of the 2004 election, they will be saddened by the blaring naiveté, maliciousness, and cowardice.

Even Jesse thinks so...