Stitt

It's hard, even in absurdist satire, to stay one step ahead of this crew. - John Cusack

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Top 5 things to do this July 4th

Why only 5? Cause the man wants to deprive me of 10.

5. Burn a flag (any ol' flag will do)

4. Marry a person who shares your gender

3. Get an abortion in South Dakota

2. Play an ultra-violent video game

1. Call a friend in Syria and tell him he really missed out on last night's party since it was "the bomb" and that all the participants "declared jihad on sobriety" while simultaneously withdrawing funds from a secret bank account in Algeria.

It's time once again to celebrate freedom and liberty in America!

Think!
Think!
It aint illegal yet!
- George Clinton


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Orwell rolling over in his grave

As George Lakoff points out, Bush isn't incompetent, he's an effective conservative. But one of the scarier motivations behind the "diplomacy by force" agenda implicitly pushed by the new American century adherents is the flawed perception that oppressed peoples don't have the incentive, let alone the provocation to rise up against their tyrants. Thus the need for American military intervention.
Unfortunately, this theory exalts a hubristic vision over the lessons of history. It neglects the realization that there is a limit to a foreign army's ability to shape foreign politics for the good. Our military involvement in Vietnam, Lebanon, the Philippines, Cuba (prior to Castro) and Panama, or European imperialist endeavors around the globe should have taught us this lesson. Democracy needs to be an organic, homegrown movement, as it was in this country. If we believe so deeply in our ideals, they will speak for themselves and inspire others.
The problem with this armageddonist back-seat driving is that is the same logic originally used by Islamic fundamentalists and the Bolsheviks before them.

Every terrorist operation is designed to "incite the people" so that they may be blinded by some proverbial cleansing light, recognize their futile complacency and overcome the morally bankrupt despots who rule their lands. Each action had to be more gruesome than the previous ones that failed to accomplish this goal. Whether it was the assassination of Anwar Sadat, the beheading of Nick Berg, or the brutal slaughter of Tsar Nicholas II and family, the stated goal behind the act was the same — to shock, awe and incite.

While it may have started the revolutionary ball rolling in Russia (though it wasn't long before another, more bloodthirsty tyrant took charge), it hasn't worked in the Middle East. Why did this administration think it would be different this time? In the brief but relatively focused weeks after the Iraq invasion, it may have appeared that perhaps this time the once misanthropic civilization would join their liberators in rejecting their regime and begin the process of democratizing themselves. However, the exact moment when the new boss became the same as the old boss cannot be easily pinpointed, but that is the case. Was it when the clueless soldier covered the head of the toppled Saddam statue with an American flag? Was it when the photos of Abu Ghraib surfaced after all the assurances of the demise of the rape rooms?

The terror operations conducted by insurgents and militias (and perhaps those occasionally committed by Marines) in Iraq are once again designed to spur the gentry to jettison their status quo. The administration tells us that history will judge whether or not combatting these factions is resulting in a more stable and democratic Iraq, but a glance at their nascent constitution already suggests it is not. In the meantime, the cycle of violence, chaos and death continues to roll along in a track that has merely become muddier.


Monday, June 12, 2006

Devising a marketing campaign as effective as group suicide

As the NYT put it:
General Caldwell said the changing details were a result of the confusion typical in the immediate aftermath of military operations. "There is no intention on anybody's behalf to engage in deception, manipulation or evasion," he said.
Yes sir, that's affirmative - no such thing as PSYOPS, sir. Well you better get one started if you want to compete with those masters of buzz at Gitmo.


Monday, June 05, 2006

The one true anti-christ

On the day that

  • 56 people are kidnapped in Iraq
  • Islamic militants seize control of the capital of Somalia
  • Stocks and the US dollar plunge because of Iran oil threats

    Our idiot-in-chief has decided that the biggest threat to America is people who love each other. Yes we all know it swung at least one election his way, but seriously, those who consider same-sex marriage an issue, let alone a threat, are OUT OF THEIR UNBELIEVEABLY NARROW FUCKING MINDS.

    Now can we get back to real business, like making June 6, 2006 National Number of the Beast Day?