(don't) Say Cheese!

New rules on visa application photos nothing to smile about

The subject's expression should be neutral [non-smiling] with both eyes open, and mouth closed," says a rule cited in the rejection of a visa photograph of a tooth-showing person from Cleveland. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services explained that "no expression" is the standard for such photos.

Read all about it...

Donate that money to the Unification Church

This month's disturbing trend — conservative critics attacking their adversaries' speaking fees. First there was Andrew Sullivan ranting about Chomsky's millions in appearance fees. Seriously, that's the best criticism you have of Chomsky - the money he rakes in?

Now we have Ball State students complaining about how their administration has given $41,453 to the liberal agenda.

Just curious, when did conservatives develop a problem with making a buck? Don't worry, these aren't your precious tax dollars which have already been hedged for more MOAB daisy cutters and off-shore contracts.

Don't worry baby, Ike's gotta plan to restore America's honor

"Tell Iraq that sometimes America just gets so mad sometimes, and things get out of hand. America doesn't mean to hurt Iraq. America just wants to teach Iraq a lesson, because America loves Iraq so much, baby. America knows what's best for Iraq, and if Iraq would just listen and stop being so stubborn, it could be the best country in the world."

Check out the whole thing

The $28,000 Sandwich

This is not your ordinary grilled cheese



Even better are the piggyback auctions such as the Virgin Mary Ramen, Warhol's Lithograph, and of course, Virgin Mary Grilled cheese sandwich replica for $1000 less - whadda bargain!

It all reminds me of when Kembrew sold his soul...

And now back to more bone-crushing open-fracture action!

Please people, for the last time, football is totally wholesome — do not be fooled by the siliconed ladies in skimpy outfits. First Ms. Jackson threatened to taint our beloved national pastime with her wardrobe malfunction and now T.O. gets randy on MNF and the values voters get their bibles in a bunch.

Where's L.T. when you need him to restore some dignity to the game?

He was the king and he had a devious way to weaken opponents the night before the game – by sending escorts to their rooms to tire them out. Did it work?

Absolutely, says Taylor. "You know what they like and what type of women they like and you just call the service. What you got?"

The idea was to keep the player up all night. “Just as long as you can,” says Taylor. “Every time they [opposing players] sit there and tell you, ‘Oh, we gotta get some sleep,’ that's when the party really starts.”

He said he knew about this trick because it was done to him before a big game in Houston.

The other 10%

Ever wonder about the 10% slice of DC that actually voted to reelect Bush? It's not all old-school socialites itching for the upper class tax cut, we must have a few armed redneck nuts whos jingoist nature would make Wyoming blush. Consider this guy:

God D*mn Us, Every One

With this recent election ("Kerry vs. Bush," 10/29/2004), citizens of the District of Columbia made apparent their disdain for America by casting 90% of their votes for Kerry. Frankly, people love God, and love America, voted to re-elect George Bush. Those who cast their ballots for John Kerry did so because they hate America. One hopes that their hatred will be returned 10 times by those Americans they despise.

I pray to God that during his second term George Bush enacts policies that mercilessly punish Washington, DC. Let this be an example to the many traitors among us. America is not going to tolerate your insolence and depravity any longer. You are not welcome here.

Austin Porter
Eckington

Just what DC needs - a good smiting from fearless leader! Perhaps he was being sarcastic...

And then there were none

The last shred of decency in the Executive Branch is resigning. Well that's not such a surprise...then again, neither would a 2008 presidential bid.

Enter Sandman

Sharks patrol these waters (x2)
Don't let your fingers dangle in the water
And don't you worry about the day glow orange life per server
It won't save you (x2)
Swim for the shores just as fast as your able
Swim like a mother fucker swim
Fast as that seen ships to now
The ever glorious now the ever present now
Drenched in flower and deep-fat-fried
And cooled on paper towels and then devoured
You know I spent 15 years in a life raft
15 years in a life raft and now I got something to say
Stay in your life boats people (x2)
It's murder out there murder out there
Sharks patrol these waters
Sharks patrol these waters hey
Don't you worry about the dayglow orange life preserver
It won't save you (x2)
Swim for the shores just as fast as your able to swim

Sharks (Mark Sandman)

Human doormats

Mark Moford hits the nail again

It's so true, isn't it? Despite proof after proof and report after report and dead U.S. soldier after dead U.S. soldier, you thought Bush would do better than Kerry in "defeating" terrorism. No matter that Bush's very actions, his ugly little war, his very poisonous foreign policy that has so violently destabilized the Middle East, no matter that this is what has, in fact, amplified the terror threat a hundredfold and made the U.S. more detested than ever. Ahh, irony. It's what's for dinner.

Hasta la vista you little vegetable oil anointed baby

Ashcroft is out - return the statue of justice to it's original condition and let the eagle soar.




Now, what am I going to with all these t-shirts?

Homophobic Hillbillies

Kerry's concession speech - the first draft.
I'm a few days late on this, but it's worth a read.

I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him.

I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean special in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

Operation Phantom Fury (The surprise attack)

The attack on Fallujah has begun (no, seriously this time) and most consider this to be the potential turning point of the war. Rummy swears

"there aren't going to be large numbers of civilians killed, and certainly not by U.S. forces" even though U.S. commanders estimate that 30 percent to 50 percent of the civilian population remains in the city.

What will it take to constitute victory in this battle? Certainly, whatever the result, it'll be spun as a PR victory, just like the recapturing of Hue 36 years ago.

"You're all in the process of making history," Sgt-Maj Kent told the 2500 soldiers assembled before him.

"This is another Hue city in the making. I have no doubt, if we do get the word, that each and every one of you is going to do what you have always done — kick some butt."

The new map

Listenings

Enough with the politics, it's Friday so let's begin the national healing. I posted this before, but somehow it got deleted. Anyway, here are 4 of my current favorite albums:

New Roman Times - Camper Van Beethoven : The triumphant return of the CVB and a concept album no less! To the wankers who thought they sold out with Key Lime Pie (15 years ago of course) go ahead and pass this one up since it's closer to the fidelity and catchiness of that disc than anything from the "Joe Stalin's Cadillac" days. But just so you know, you're missing out - BIG time.


Sun Tangled Angel Revival - Kevn Kinney: The southern rock king blends country, gospel, and some good ol psychedelic jam boogie oogie into a very, very solid disc. Probably his best solo effort since MacDougal Blues. Doesn't hurt that my old roommate is the bass player.

Oaxaca - Vince Guaraldi: Finally released by his son after 33 years in the vault. Really laid-back instrumental funk grooves by a master of the Fender Rhodes. One cannot deny a 16 minute cover of "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

The Delivery Man - Elvis Costello: Hits a little harder than anything I've heard from him previously. When Emmylou drops in for two tracks, it gets sublime.

Divided we stand

With the benefit of a little hindsight, what strikes me as odd about the campaigns we just witnessed is that traditional liberal/conservative roles were reversed. At least with respect to foreign policy, Kerry was the reactionary, longing to take the country back to a simpler time when Europe was willing to take our word over proof in support of offensive measures. A "pre-9/11 mindset" it was called, though despite the patriot-baiting nature of Cheney's accusations, it was actually an attempt at responding directly to 9/11 and terrorism's underlying causes. Assuming that a "war on terror" cannot be won on military grounds alone, Kerry's aim was to enhance cooperation with our traditional allies in an attempt to attack the bases of violent fundamentalism - the recruiting centers. By restoring a sliver of respect the world once held for America, the terrorist recruiter's job becomes more difficult. Just scan the transcript of Bin Laden's latest recruiting missive - America is mentioned 21 times, Israel only twice and both times as a US collaborator, not the instigator of Palestinian genocide of days past. There's a new fundamentalist on the block.

In an America where the once cherished ideals of The Enlightenment are snickered at as antiquated, liberal distractions to the "real business" at hand, Bush is the actual progressive. While the domestic tenets of the Bush doctrine reveal a "pre-Scopes monkey trial mindset", the foreign goal is that of a new crusade. Conservative pundits love to point out that Kerry lost because red state America doesn't like being preached to by Hollywood liberals. So wouldn't the corollary be that the Middle East (and soon the rest of the rogue nations) doesn't like having American democracy forced upon them? His goal is to change cultures without a hint of compromise. To paraphrase Henry Ford, you can have any government you want, as long as it's American Democracy. The Man has been given a mandate to steer America's ship into uncharted waters, there's just the pesky matter of 55 million seasick voters. At least there is one common ground on which we are all united - fear.

Says it all

VOTE

No comedic or even disturbing links today, just this thought.

It seems that the reluctant Bush supporters (Ed Koch, John McCain, Chris Hitchens, etc) all seem to have one thing in common. While they don't agree with Bush on most issues, they feel the Iraq war trumps everything else. This doesn't seem fair, since this particular war (never mind the peripheral war on terror, war on evil, war of civilizations) was single-handedly started by Bush. Following the oft-repeated logic of "not changing horses in mid-stream", what incentive is there to prevent any elected official from abusing power in order to guarantee their reelection? Just ask Nixon's ghost.

History will no doubt agree that this war was either ultimately an ugly necessity or a colossal mistake. Whether or not you personally think it was the right thing to do, consider the results we have accomplished up until today. Has it been worth it so far?

The bottom line

The Economist has come out for Kerry

Mr Bush has often said, there is a need in life for accountability. He has refused to impose it himself, and so voters should, in our view, impose it on him, given a viable alternative. John Kerry, for all the doubts about him, would be in a better position to carry on with America's great tasks.

Hunter S. Thompson has a funnier take on it, but Christopher Hitchens certainly doesn't